Any marriage, good or bad, is going to go through its shares of ups and downs. But over time if the bad times start to outweigh the good, your marriage is going to be suffering, and you'll feel more and more emotionally isolated from each other. Are you wondering what can really prove deadly to your marriage?
1. Spending too much time with friends, at your job, or on other interests that exclude your partner. If you spend a lot of time outside of the marriage what do you think your spouse believes your priorities are? Isn't it likely that they might think that these other interests in your life are more important than they are?
2. Not having sex. Couples who have sex less than once a month are considered to be in a sexless marriage. While there are a bunch of issues that can contribute to a lack of sex between the two of you less sexual intimacy generally equals less emotional intimacy. If you can't connect in the bedroom you're less likely to connect in other areas of your life.
3. Not talking over financial issues. If one of you goes about spending recklessly, keeping secrets from the other one about purchases you make, or withholds money from the other, chances are this is going to build resentment and distance between the two of you.
4. Letting your physical appearance go. When we fall in love part of the attraction is physical to begin with. Now, over time it's hard to maintain physical appearances the same as when we went out for a date. But if you let your appearance go, putting on weight, not looking to what you wear or your hygiene, then you're sending a message to your partner that your attraction to them just isn't that important anymore. Take care of yourself if you want your partner to continue feeling desire and love for you.
5. No longer expressing affection for each other. Gentle touches, a kiss, holding hands, hugs, cuddling while you watch television, all of these are things let your partner know you want to be connected and close. Withholding physical affection also sends a message. Is it the message you want to send to your partner?
6. Holding onto grudges. Everyone's going to go through disagreements; even couples in love sometimes have misunderstandings and don't see things eye to eye. If you always bring up past problems, can't let go of resentment, let loose with blaming and criticizing, it's unlikely the two of you will be close. In a happy marriage people do disagree, but they consider each other's point of view, take one problem at a time, let go of past issues, and avoid personal attacks.
If you recognize these problems in your marriage do something about it! Make your relationship the marriage you've always dreamed of having.
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