By Laura M. Brotherson
It can be challenging to find time to devote to building your marriage. In this column I answer one of the many questions I've received about how couples can overcome their challenges and strengthen their marriages.
How to find couple time
Question:
I'm wondering how couples can find quality time for intimate moments, especially once they have children? I'm sure you're well aware that with children "couple time" becomes very limited. You may tell me to go get a babysitter, and perhaps I'm a little paranoid, but nowadays that seems like a risky option. You hear more and more about things babysitters have done while parents were out on a date, or what caregivers have done while parents were at work. Basically, I'm curious to know how does one effectively juggle all the demands in life, especially with children in the home, and still maintain a healthy, loving and intimate spousal relationship.
Answer:
Finding quality time can certainly be a challenge with children. The first step is making sure you see your marriage as a high priority, deserving of priority time and attention. With that it will be easier to find the time necessary for nourishing your marriage. Even though our lives are all so busy we tend to find time for the things that are important to us. Here are a few ideas for finding couple time:
Date night. I'm a big proponent of a weekly date night, but I do understand the difficulties and expense of babysitters. Date night can be something as simple as going for a walk around the block, or watching a movie or reading a book together after the kids are in bed. Date night (dedicated couple time) really cannot be optional for those who want to have a thriving marriage.
Babysitters. While finding a babysitter can be challenging, being active in a church environment, for instance, is a great way to find good babysitters. Asking around to get referrals can also help alleviate some of the concerns you may have. Although we no longer need a babysitter in our home, I could easily recommend many good babysitters because of my interaction with them at church. If you are really concerned, be prayerful about finding good babysitters for your children. The Lord will provide.
Bedtime routines. Intimate time can be found by getting children into a good bedtime routine, so that you still have time and energy available for each other after kids are in bed. If your marriage is a priority then you'll be able to find a way to make room for marital nourishment amongst the nurturing of children.
Teaching children about couple time. Many couples have found that by teaching their children about the importance of a husband and wife having time together alone, their children accept the fact that sometimes Mom and Dad's bedroom door will be locked. If we handle it wisely it can set a valuable example of how to build a strong marriage and provide that deep sense of security that comes when children know their parents love each other.
Setting your priorities. Remember the key is to set your priorities and schedule your time and energy accordingly. For those who seek to have a thriving marriage, a weekly date night is not optional. Schedule it and hold to it as best you can. Date night is your predetermined night (or morning -- whatever works for you) for couple time. With a set day and time, you both can mentally save some of your energy for each other and not let yourself get consumed by other things.
Discuss solutions with your spouse. I'm confident that if you and your spouse are serious about finding time for each other, and will brainstorm ideas that would work best for you, that you'll be able to come up with multiple options.
The number one thing parents can do for their children is to give them parents who love each other. I applaud your efforts to find time for your marriage even amidst the many demands of life. Investing time and energy into our intimate marital relationship is one of the best things we can do for each other and for our children. This flows over into building stronger communities, countries and nations.
God bless you and your wife in your efforts to make each other a priority and to build a strong and intimate relationship. It's well worth the effort!
