I believe in marriage and live my belief. This article is based on my experience as well as what I've learned from marriage and family relation courses and books. It is meant to encourage couples to work out their differences and stay together. It is important for people to learn to get along as well for the children.
Children learn from example. In a home where the parents love each other, even though they argue, children learn what marriage is all about.
There is a special interaction in a marriage that shows by example how a man and woman can live together in harmony.It also helps in raising children to have two parents sharing the child raising. All our lives we are required to interact with others. A happy home and solid marriage is a good place to grow children who learn to interact with others. Arguments don't have to become fights, but discussions.
Helping is a lesson learned when children see parents share the work whether it is putting the kids to bed, taking turns reading stories, or preparing dinner. As the children grow other activities can be added such as playing board or computer games, helping with homework, trips to the library, biking, hiking, or just going for a walk.
One of the happiest memories I have of my own father was when he took us to the park or the ice cream shop. He did this to give my mother a break, but for me these were special times. My brother, sister and I had my father to our selves. What we discussed with my dad was different than what we told mom. Mom wanted to know we'd been good in school and kind to others. Dad wanted to know what he hoped for the future. Children need these varied experiences. They form a firm foundation to help them mature into adults.
Being part of a family is important to future generations as well. Statistics show that children of divorce often marry and divorce themselves. Yes, there are ups and downs in all marriages because we are human and make mistakes. But the security of being part of a complete family is the best thing my husband and I can do for our son. He will have a model of a working marriage.
What is the secret of a long and happy marriage? The truth is sometimes isn't happy like when there are deaths in the family, when bills mount,when sickness strikes, and when there are disagreements. But that is also part of the growing process as we learn to live with and accept life and all its variables. As a wise man once said, accept what you can't change, change what can be changed.
The coping skills we need as adults are developed in childhood. Within the family unit these coping skills are fostered. Family life teaches us that for every action there is a consequence. Wrong decisions lead to trouble. When children have the support of both mother and father they can face these realities with the strength of the love that sustains them.
Compromise is also important. Children who grow up seeing how their parents work out their differences and come to compromise solutions, will be better able to assimilate this ideal in their own lives. In a family all these trials and successes bind us together.
To keep a marriage vital there needs to be time to be a couple away from the children, away from other family members and even friends. Weekend get-a-ways are a good way to put a little romance back into busy lives. Even if you can't afford to go away, there should be private time. The children can be left with a relative or friend for the day so the couple can be together. Sometimes parents forget they married because they loved each other, not simply to have children. You want to give those children a firm foundation through a steady marriage, but you also need to renew your love. Once the children are grown and moved out you will have each other as companions or strangers. It depends on how much time you've taken to spend together.
Change is part of life. Don't expect your mate to be the same person you married when you were young. As we grow and mature our interests and out look on life changes. The couple that accepts this and changes together will be happy. A marriage is a coupling of equals. Treat each other with love and respect.
As for love, that also grows like flowers. Love needs to be watered with romantic evenings and private times. In the beginning there is the romantic love of the engagement and marriage, then the special love when you become parents. There is love and respect as goals are reached whether it is a new home, a college degree, or a better job. How wonderful it is to have a companion to share these goals with and then to work towards new goals.
Understanding and compassion are important. We marry for better or worse and there will always be something that is worse. It is part of life. Unemployment, disappointment, and loss can inflict any marriage but how you handle these problems is important. Working together to over come the problems will bring the couple closer together. Each partner in a marriage should respect the other. Self-respect is easily undermined if one partner puts the other down. To keep the marriage solid, support each and encourage one another.
I've heard it takes a village to raise a child. It takes a community for a marriage to survive. Belonging to a church, participating in community activites and widening your circle of friends is all part of the ultimate growth of the couple. Shared experiences keep a marriage interesting and vital.
For example: I am active in my writing community. When I have a book signing or a reading, my husband is there to support me.
My husband is active as a Civil War reenactor. When he does a reenactment or living history, I am there in full 1860's ensemble to support him.
There is a lot of joy in sharing your life with someone. Nights are not lonely even if all you do is watch TV together or read books. There is someone there to talk with, cuddle with, cry with and share the good and bad times. When you go through the hard times it is difficult to see how something good can come out of problems. And yet those problems can be the very cement that holds the marriage together as the couple work to overcome and reach again towards new goals. All in all, despite the era of free love, and the increase in divorces, marriage remains a solid institution in which two people can grow, raise a family and remain in love forever. I know from experience. This year my husband and I are celebrating our 37th wedding anniversary.
