Yes, you can 'sense' that there is something wrong with your marriage. You can see it in your partner's eyes, his or her behavior and also the quality and quantity of time that you spend together. The mistake most of us make, before we know for sure that the marriage is over, is to cast wrong and damaging aspersions on our partner. Has she found someone else? Is he thinking of a divorce? What would happen to the kids if he walks out?
Hundreds of questions arising out of the surrounding uncertainty cloud the mind. But every time we make an 'assumption' on this serious matter, we are adding one more nail to the coffin. We are moving away from saving the marriage and moving in closer to disaster. Here are some dos and don'ts to know when the marriage is over, aimed to guide you through the process of searching for an answer:
Do's:
• Be alert and sensitive to every move and action of your spouse.
• Arrive at a conclusive picture through the process of elimination.
• If your partner is acting emotionally distant, check whether everything is normal with his job, career, finances, health, parents, siblings, etc.
• If you find that there is no cause for any worry on these fronts, call your partner for a frank and open discussion where you show your concern in the matter.
• When your partner shows lack of interest in anything you do or involves you, frankly ask about the issue bothering him or her. Take particular care not to sound rude or intruding.
• To be absolutely sure whether your marriage is over or not, watch the quality and quantity of time that you get to spend together. Is he or she looking for the smallest excuse to remain away from you?
Don'ts:
• Cast wrong and illogical aspersions on his or her character. This can permanently damage the marriage.
• Start arguments or a blame game, just by presuming that the marriage is over.
• Discuss the matter with friends and other members of the family. These comments usually ricochet and damage the relationship. If there are gossips you hear, ignore them.
• Debate or argue if your spouse decides to call off the marriage or seeks temporary separation. Giving counter logic usually never helps; neither pleading nor begging.
At the end of the day, there is nothing better to clear uncertainties than to go for a frank discussion with your spouse regarding his or her future plans. There is hardly any point in living with a dilemma regarding such an important part of your life.
Whether you are still together and having problems or you are already separated and want to save your marriage... the next step is absolutely crucial!
Don't make the mistake of saying or doing something that will kill your chances of getting back together with your spouse. Find out what you need to do to save your marriage and reconnect with your spouse
